Thursday, August 16, 2007

Inner and Outer Beauty

I pull into the parking lot at 6:55 am. Today is Bug Man day. Once a month, the technician comes in to spray for insects and do whatever for pest control. Connie and I used to alternate months to be here early, but now it is just me.

This morning when I awoke, I had a sense that my present work situation is equivalent to the empty nest syndrome. All of my charges are off into the world. Somehow, this concept made me chuckle. After all, I had no problem with the real empty nest and seized the opportunity to find new and fun ways to play. I need to give that more thought.

I will let the empty nest theory rattle around in my head, but only to the back of my consciousness for the time being. Right now, I will focus on reclaiming my inner and outer beauty. Recently, while building my portfolio, I dug up my “accolades” book. I had begun this journal some years ago, when the idea was presented in a book I was reading. It is a way to keep concrete examples of how you are appreciated in your everyday life. While re-reading the entries that I had cut and pasted from various sources, I was struck by a profound understanding. The accolades that had been written, of and to me, were a result of the beauty within that spilled forth into my work and everyday life. The joi de vive that I remember having at those times was palatable enough to affect others in positive ways. Where is that inner beauty? When did I put that down and turn into a bitter shrew? Even I have had enough of me.

The state of my emotional well-being is equivalent to a toxic waste dump. The only cure for toxic waste dumps is to begin a reclamation program. The first step to any reclamation program is to identify the toxins that pollute. The second step is to stop dumping toxic waste into the system. I have a good idea what these toxins are that pollute the inner beauty. Listening to, or taking part in any negative talk, or passively letting someone draw me into his or her drama. Both give me stomach upset, a sure sign of toxic waste.

How will I reclaim outer beauty? I will reclaim my outer beauty in the same way I will reclaim my inner beauty. There will be no more dumping of toxic waste into the system. We all know what is good and what is bad for us but succumb to temptations. Other trouble occurs when we view our own body and the enemy, when in fact, it is our ally. What is required here is the equivalent of Homeland Security. I will watch my “borders” and keep covert operatives at bay. These are the people who encourage you to partake in sugary treats with such comment as “you can afford it” or “you have nothing to worry about.” It will be tough as it is not always easy to tell friend from foe. I am ready for the challenge. I miss my inner and outer beauty too much.

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