Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Inner Dialog

This summer has been a difficult one for me. It has been difficult for a lot of people. This is of little comfort to me in that each of us must travel our given path alone. I have prided myself with the fact that I have been diligent in what I must do to improve my future. Yet despite my best efforts, I have yet to be successful. I find I am second guessing all of my actions. If I seem cryptic about my pursuits, the reason is simple; I’m trying not to burn my bridges before I have crossed them. Those who know me understand.

My friends have been there by my side giving me guidance and encouragement. Yet despite this, I have let myself become despondent and swallowed up in my own self pity. To make matters worse, I began to lash out at the very friends who have been so supportive. I realized this last week in the words I was saying to a dear friend. I felt ashamed of myself, but instead of apologizing, I cut them all off. Better they I stay away from them, than to insult and hurt them. I have never felt so alone.

My cell phone rang today and it was my friend Steve. We chatted and then agreed to have lunch. Why did I go when I had decided to cut everyone off? As I mentioned before, Steve’s advice is always sound, so when he speaks, I listen. So I accept the invitation. It has been a few weeks since the last time we got together. He described me as “barking” the last time we had lunch. Wow. Barking. I have been barking at my friends. “You become what you think about all day long. Monitor your inner dialog.” * I had never considered how self fulfilling such a thing could be. I am giving myself so much negative talk that is has infected all that I do, think and say. It manifests in my demeanor, body language and facial expressions. And now I bark.

My friend Steve has helped me see what the words of Dr Dyer alone could not. I came back from lunch with a lot on my mind. Not about poor me and my lack of progress, but how I have begun alienating people who care about me. After all, the world will not end if I don’t get my way now. Things usually work themselves out eventually. When they do, it will be a lonely place if I have no one with whom to share the good news. Toward the end of the day, I extend my first olive branch. It is readily accepted. “I am one lucky girl!” I think with joy. Dr Dyer would be proud.

*Dr Wayne Dyer

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