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Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Biker Lingo
(updated older post)

Lingo is so prevalent in our society today that those of us who engage in its use sometimes fail to realize that others may not be fully aware of just exactly what we are saying. Having spent a considerable amount of time around techies, I’ve become sensitive to this reality. So it was with interest that I stumbled upon the Biker Dictionary at the Clutch and Chrome website. What follows next is a compilation of events that have happened to me compiled as a single event told in biker lingo. Use the link to the dictionary if you need help.
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I awake to a glorious day, sun shining, the air sweet and work looming ahead of me. So as not to waste a perfectly good day I decided to take the V-Twin for my commute. I’m not entirely sure of what happened next, but the stars must have aligned in some strange convergence of energies. It seems the idea of a two wheeled ride was not mine alone.

I am happily humming a tune to myself at a stoplight when a thumper pulls up in the lane beside me. We nod courteously to each other, and I notice the flower pot he’s sporting is as old as the thumper itself. The sad state of the thumper is making me feel a bit pompous straddling my bagger. After our nod we both look ahead, avoiding each other’s eyes, knowing full well, we are looking sideways and inspecting each other’s rides.

The light is taking longer than usual. A Hardly-Abelson pulls into the turning lane. I notice that he is in bad need of new sneakers. Across the intersection an ape-hanger pulls to a stop. I’m glad he’s riding in the other direction. My personal feeling is that ape-hangers are an embarrassment and people who ride them can’t be serious bikers.

Out of nowhere a crotch rocket screeches to a stop beside the thumper. He cracks it a few times and smiles menacingly at the thumper. The light changes and with one final crack the crotch rocket does a cat walk across the intersection. The cagers don’t look too impressed. I’m thinking he’s headed for some nipple surfing when I catch the cherries flashing. He is soon stopped in the breakdown lane receiving his performance certificate.* The rest of us are happily moving along knowing we no longer need to mind our P’s and Q’s now that the crotch rocket has the attention of the locals, but not before we watch the Hardly-Abelson leave a rainbow behind him as he rides away from the light..

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*You won’t find performance certificate in the dictionary. I got this new one from Nomad Willie. It’s related to Fast Riding Award if you want to look that one up.

Updated broken links. Thank you to reader who alerted me.

3 comments:

mq01 said...

i looked them all up and re-read. thats hilarious pat!!...

PatnWilton said...

M, glad you enjoyed it. Believe it or not, I have heard ALL of these at one time or another in real conversation. Good grief! :-)

Sheila D said...

Too funny. Had to look up 1 or 2 but heard most of them.