Social Networking

Dear Diary, I finally made a meeting of the Monadnock Writers Group; first one this season. Enjoyed seeing everyone and listening to co-authors B. Eugene McCarthy and Thomas Doughton speak about their book, From Bondage to Belonging: The Worcester Slave Narratives. The Q&A sessions afterwards is always interesting too, as you get a sense of what others are thinking during the talk by the nature of the questions they ask. As always after one of these meetings, I feel the itch to get in front of my monitor with a blank word doc before me, waiting to transform it into something of my own.

Back in the car I head to Milford from Peterborough. I need to get the car washed. I have a booklet of car washes I got for Christmas. I love keeping my little car clean. I see I’m not alone with the thought of a clean car. There is a line waiting their turn. I have to make a left turn into the lot. The traffic is heavy and I can’t seem to find a break in the flow to get by. Finally, a pick-up truck flashes his lights and waves me through. As I proceed on through, an SUV behind him stamps on the accelerator and jack rabbits around, nearly colliding with me. With hearts pounding we all sit there momentarily then I move on into the lot. The driver of the pick-up is looking at me with concern and relief and patiently waits for me to get by.

I notice a number of motorcycles on the road today. It is such a nice day for February. I turn over in my mind the rest of the day’s plans and wonder if I too can fit in a ride. After my near collision while trying to make a left hand turn, I remember that this is the doom of many motorcyclists too. I have also noticed how much sand is on the roadways, another thing to be concerned with if you are riding this time of year. As I wait in line at the car wash I try to picture in my mind if the driveway was still ice covered when I left home earlier.

I stop at the market to stock up for tonight’s movie.  An old woman, bent at the waist and hanging on to her basket for dear life, asks me to reach a canned good on a top shelf. She thinks it wonderful to be tall. I smile. I don’t feel exceptionally tall, but I suppose if the average American woman is 5 feet 4 inches tall, then I guess 5 feet 7 inches would be considered tall.

On the way home, the car in front of me is stopping at every intersecting road to let someone out of a side street. I’m annoyed at first. This is the main drag after all, and no one usually stops to let people out at the side streets. I think of my near miss earlier, and I let my boil calm to a simmer. Then I start cracking up, laughing out loud all by myself in the car. I’m laughing because I remember a friend being in a sour mood, and me giving him some advice to feel better. I had instructed him to do a deliberate act of kindness sure to make he feel much better afterward. Well, he had to stop by Costco and decided to try this with five people. Yet, Costco was unusually empty that night, and he could not find ONE PERSON to do a random act of kindness and left in a mood fouler than when he arrived. Maybe this guy in front of me couldn’t find five people at Costco either! I patiently sit and smile to myself as we continue along, letting people into traffic, one deliberate act of kindness at a time.

I take a walk in the neighborhood along the quiet country lanes, greeting the few people I meet along the way. I rejoice at the sight of the taps in the trees heralding spring and the maple sugaring season. In the evening, we enjoy a movie at home with friends. Good wine, great conversation and a sense that all is right with the world. So ends my own version of a great social networking day.

What the Jedi Teach Us

You might all be surprised to learn that the only Star Wars movie of the trilogies that I have seen was the first release in 1977. Considering my dearest friends are geeks (and I use this in the most endearing term) it’s hard to believe. Often, one philosophy or another is referenced with an explicit mention of Star Wars, and it goes right over my head. I don’t often go to the movies or even rent them, so references to movies going over my head are not uncommon. I usually shrug it off. Yet, Lee uses Star Wars often when trying to explain something to me. When I read Stephen Covey reference it in his book The 7 Habits I started paying more attention.


As time went on Lee often had to tell part of scene to help me understand the particular philosophy he was expounding in the moment. This is time consuming, and some of the context gets lost in the translation. This is how we decided to view the movies together, and watch for particular spots where the philosophies are being exampled. Our first experiment happened last night. Our movie for the evening Star Wars II: The Attack of the Clones. Poor Deb looked bored, as I’m sure she has seen this a million times, and living with Lee must hear these referenced time and again. Andy, while understanding what we were about, was finding his analogies with WWII, Hitler and Mussolini. He began to ponder what moves people to desire total power and dictatorship over mass populations.

With all this we tried to stay focused on our mission. The movie was paused time and again as we spotted concepts of thinking we have talked about in the past or habits we are trying to recognize in ourselves and move away from. We see Anakin warned to guard against his negative thinking. We watch him blame others for his actions, and react to his emotions in the moment. He blames Obi-Wan Kenobi for holding him back, he annihilates an entire village, men, women and children in retaliation for the death of his mother; the anger seething behind his eyes. He jumps ahead in an armed confrontation with Count Dooku, against Obi-Wan’s orders, and loses his hand.

The power of the force is strong in Anakin, yet he doesn’t manage it well. He is reckless. There are moments when we see focused concentration on his powers especially when paired with Obi-Wan. It is then that we see the master’s skill at training his student. Yet once out of sight, the student disregards the lessons, and allows his powerful emotions and arrogance to rule him and misuse the power of the force within him.

We will continue with the trilogies to learn what we can from them. For now, we will watch ourselves so as not to blame others for our own actions and circumstances. When struck by powerful emotions, will not give in to the moment, but think our way through to places that serve us better. After all, when reacting in the moment, we never know what we are really sacrificing. We all need to guard against our negative thinking and to get through life with both hands intact.

“How old would you be if you didn't know how old you were?”~Satchel Paige~

"Grasshopper, you have made much progress. You listen more so that you will be heard. You recognize your assumptions and question them. You have learned to make emotional deposits so that in a crisis your emotional bank account is not over-drawn. You are growing Grasshopper and I am pleased. Your journey is well underway. Yet it is a journey without end.”

“Master, your words are of great encouragement to me. That the journey is without end is becoming evident the more I walk the path. We never stop our leaning if our desire is to master ourselves.”

“Grasshopper, I too am please at the words I hear. You are ready for the next exercise. And since the teacher also learns as he teaches, I will take part in the exercise as well. Here is what we will do. Together, but separately, we will sketch out our ONE year goals, our FIVE year goals and our TEN year goals.”

With that, I opened a mind map program as it helps me when I know not where I’m going. From the center I branched out; one year; five years, ten years. I stared as blankly at the outline and it stared back at me. I started typing. The one year goals are more easily identified. That is not to say they are easy, just easier. I know where I am now. I can see the short term goals; those work focused, family focused and personal. I started here, filling out the mind map with clarity.

With the five and ten year goals, the horizon is a bit more fuzzy. I stare at the five year bubble on the mind map for long stretches of time. Could it be possible for some of these short term work related goals have opportunities to take me five years? Where is it I want to be in five years? Then like a sucker punch or being cold cocked, the realization of how old I would be in five years struck me. Sweat broke out on my brow and a sinking feeling of dread came over me. A mental image came to mind of me walking the earth, that dreaded age on my breast pocket like the giant A on Hester in the Scarlet Letter.

I closed the mind map for two days. Each time I thought of it, I asked myself some questions. How can I look at this better? What questions can I ask myself that will change the way I’m looking at growing older? Then Arnold John Kaplan sent me a friend request on Facebook. Arnold is 95 years old. If that number is giving you images of old and feeble, then you would be very wrong indeed. Not only does he work out at the gym (with weights) everyday, he spends his time working at his passion of 75 years; photography. He also produces photo-education slideshows for camera clubs and entertainment slideshows for civic groups.

A new image formed and in my mind and I tore the scarlet numbers from my breast, stood straight and tall, and began to type furiously into my mind map. You can be damn certain that I will be putting more effort into my gym workouts too. Oh, and that thought about the elevator at work the other day when I felt lazy? Made a quick detour and continued my daily climbing of the stairs! Thank you Arnold John Kaplan for the wake up call. As the “master” (who is 60) tells me often, “why do people associate age with deterioration?” Which, by the way, he often tells me from a handstand or some maneuver on the rings. Pardon me now, this Grasshopper needs to get back to that 1, 5 10 and 20 year plan!

Photographer of the Week 2008